“Yeah, they just told me Sean’s back from the hospital. Chris, chill—I swear, I had nothing to do with it.
“Look, I get why you’re pissed. My bad for telling Sean about it. But Jesus, it was just a story.
“It was Gary’s idea to baggie that dried salmon jerky. It was for Sarah’s cats. Why he put it in his pants pockets, I’ve no idea. He probably forgot he had it.
“All I said to Sean was that Gary was doing Sarah a favor, putting a new toilet in her house.
“And I might have mentioned Sarah dared Gary to put the toilet bowl on his head. Hey, she thought the selfie would be funny.
“So, Sarah’s snapping the shot with her cell phone, and her big cat—you know, the fat Maine coon, takes up half her living room when he spreads out—takes a flying leap off the back of the recliner. He wanted that salmon, and right now. Sarah screams, phone goes flying, cat’s yowling. Gary’s bent over, can’t see anything, stumbling around with the toilet on his head. Hits the wall dead-on, knocks him out stone cold. Lucky he didn’t break his neck. Sarah’s freaked, screaming and crying; she’s convinced he’s killed himself and it’s all her fault.
“Head’s jammed so tightly in the bowl the paramedics have to crack the vitreous china with ball peen hammers—only way they can release Gary. Imagine what that sounded like inside the bowl…
“C’mon, it was just something I made up for fun. Who’d think Sean dumb enough to check out whether it was even possible?
“But there’s a bright side—your homeowner’s policy should cover most of the bill, and the orthopedist says Sean could be out of his neck brace in a month.”
